Hollywood stars read ‘adaptation’ of Mueller report in deranged stage ‘performance’

With America facing a dizzying array of social and political challenges, an impressive cast of Hollywood actors have taken their civic activism to the next level — with a live stage performance of the Mueller report.

This is no joke. There is indeed video evidence of the bizarre stunt floating around the internet, in which the angry band of Russiagate devotees are seen dramatically reading aloud from Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright Robert Schenkkan’s “adaptation” of Robert Mueller’s report.

If memories need refreshing — and it seems like they might — this is the report resulting from the investigation which found no evidence to prove that Donald Trump’s campaign colluded with Russia to win the 2016 election. But come on, let’s not allow facts to get in the way of the mind-numbingly dull theatrical, cherry-picked re-play of events.

Monday’s one-night-only performance condensed the 448-page Mueller report into “ten acts” performed by big-name actors like Annette Bening, Kevin Kline, Alyssa Milano, John Lithgow and Kyra Sedgwick — and was hosted by LawWorks, an organization which “educates the public on the importance of the rule of law.”

The one hour and twenty-minute-long performance was even promoted by former US Secretary of State John Kerry, who called it an “act of public service.” No word yet on whether or not Hillary Clinton was sitting in the front row.

Can this farce get any sadder? Why are so many Americans desperate to hold on to the idea that their president is a Russian agent? Shouldn’t the findings of the Mueller Report — again, no evidence of a conspiracy with Russia — have filled them with relief?

As if the play itself wasn’t mental enough, the whole charade was made even more ridiculous by how seriously it was taken by establishment media. MSNBC’s Morning Joe co-hosts Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborough gushed about the “great” performance, while the New York Times’ “review” (yes, they did a review) called it “fitting” for the political era.

You do have to admit though, there is something quite fitting about it. If any group of people could bring more life and drama to the anti-climactic Mueller Report it would be Hollywood actors. They’re generally quite good at pretending things that never happened actually did.

The Times reviewer acknowledged that a star-studded stage performance was probably not what Mueller “had in mind” when he was called upon to investigate Trump’s alleged infidelity to America. Well, it’s not what any of us had in mind — and yet here we are.

For those of you who missed the live show, don’t worry, the whole thing is now available to stream online. Word on the street is that there's also going to be a 208-page “graphic novel” of the report available soon.

If the adapted versions aren’t enough to quench the insatiable thirst for all-things Mueller, the Russiagaters among you will be delighted to learn that a Washington, DC theater will soon bring the report to life again with a marathon — and no doubt intensely boring — 11-hour reading of the entire text next month.

Danielle Ryan is an Irish freelance writer based in Dublin. Her work​ ​has appeared in Salon, The Nation, Rethinking Russia, teleSUR, RBTH, The Calvert Journal​ ​and others. Follow her on Twitter @DanielleRyanJ

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